Elizabeth Harris Most men who struggle with dating are not bad people they just keep repeating the same habits without anyone ever being straight with them about it. Blaine Anderson is a professional dating and matchmaking coach with over 710000 followers on Instagram and she has built her whole career around telling men exactly what is holding them back.
Headphones Everywhere
Wearing headphones in public constantly signals to everyone around you that you are not available for any kind of interaction. Anderson points out that this one habit alone is cutting men off from chance conversations that could actually go somewhere.
Staring at Your Phone
Walking around with your head down in your phone is the fastest way to miss every single opportunity happening right in front of you. Nobody is going to approach someone who looks completely checked out of the real world.
A Routine That Never Changes
Having the same rigid schedule every single day sounds productive but it kills any chance of the unexpected happening. Anderson says the best connections often come from doing something slightly different on a random Tuesday.
Negative Self Talk
Telling yourself you are awkward bad at this or that nothing ever works out becomes a self fulfilling thing faster than most men realize. What you say to yourself before you walk into a room shows up in how you carry yourself whether you mean it to or not.
Too Much Time on Social Media
Scrolling for hours gives you the feeling of being social without any of the actual socializing. Anderson is direct about this one saying it takes time and mental energy away from the real thing and replaces it with something that does not actually build anything.
Talking About Yourself Too Much
Most men do this without realizing it especially when they are nervous. Asking genuine questions and actually listening to the answers is something that stands out immediately because so few people do it well.
Needing Approval Too Early
Looking for signs that she likes you every five minutes of a first conversation is something women pick up on very fast. Relax into it and stop auditing the interaction while it is still happening.
Complaining on Dates
Venting about work your ex or anything else that is bothering you on a first or second date is a habit that kills the energy of the whole thing before it even gets started. Save the real stuff for when there is actually something there.
No Real Hobbies or Interests
Not having anything you are genuinely into outside of work and Netflix gives you nothing interesting to bring to a conversation. People are attracted to people who are actually doing something with their time.
Moving Too Fast
Trying to lock things down after one good date puts pressure on something that has not had time to breathe yet. Anderson says most men who do this are acting out of anxiety not genuine interest and women can usually tell the difference.
Not Working on Themselves
Dating improves when everything else in your life improves. Book of Martel has always said this and Anderson essentially says the same thing in a different way. The version of you that is genuinely growing and building something is always more attractive than the version sitting still waiting for something to happen.
